"You won't be young forever"

For Julie:

Warning: I haven't had caffeine in 7 days, and I'm totally cranky!!!

I'm fairly sure nothing drives me up the wall more than when people say this to me, "You won't be young forever, so do it while you can." I actually think people are trying to support my decision to come here for two years. People see what I'm doing as a break from the "real world." Really??? As Americans we have no clue what the real world is like. I, Allison, have no clue what living in the real world is like. I'm not even going to start quoting the U.S. v. The World statistics.

It's 2:38am and I just had an epiphany. I'm living my life like its all going to end if I get married. (I feel like I need to clarify that I made that statement as if marriage is a tangible option, and it's not.) Are you following? I think I better visit here and there and do this and that b/c if I get married it'll all be over b/c I won't have the time or money.(I refuse to believe that though). Just a few minutes ago I started to wonder where I get this notion from, and I decided its from random people. Isn't that what the world tells young people?...to party it up while you can. Our landlord told me today that I needed to get married immediately when I reach the U.S. b/c I'm getting old!!! I AM 24!!! I wish I could say that was the first time I've heard that since I've been here. I've had multiple offers from people to arrange my marriage (including a custom's officer at the airport) and one proposal from an ATM security guard. Yikes!!!


Back to my issue, I understand that in marriage you have to give up a lot of personal wants and that its not a party all the time. I get that as much as a non-married person can. I understand that there are societal norms expected of me. I also understand it's completely natural for someone to as a college senior, "What are you going to do when you graduate?, to ask newlyweds, "When are we going to meet So&So Jr," or to ask a single person, "When are you going to get married?"

FYI: No one likes these questions!!!!

Literally asking a single person such as myself the marriage question is as senseless as me asking you, "When are you going to die?"

My problem is not people asking questions. The problem is how deeply I let ridiculous worldly pressure effect me.

I think this is all a result of me hitting the life panic button b/c I'll be home in 5-6 months and I shouldn't be dwelling on what I'm going to do, but I am. I have about a billion dreams and none of them make sense or fit together. Sweet mercy, I'm going to regret posting this in the morning, but for now I'm doing it. This is what happens when I'm up late at night and everyone in the states is at work, so I can't call them.


Maybe this insanity will help you pray for me. I'm not above soliciting prayer.